I've tried this blog thing before. In fact, 4 years ago I was blogging, i blogged quite a bit around the time of my surgery. I was so excited, scared, and completly unaware of what I was doing, so I talked about it. Of course i felt like all of the things i found on google were completly acurate. Who doesn't? it seems as though the internet has become so factual, you know, because people can't just write what they want and make it sound legit. Ive been doing it for years.
I had weight loss surgery 4 years ago. in fact, Ive had lots of surgeries, but that was the significant one. I feel as though i can't even remember at this point life before surgery. While i remember experiences and life itself, i don't remember the feeling of being "fat". I was never morbidly obese, obesity does not run in my family, i didnt have a hormone problem, i wasn't on meds that made me gain weight. I was just fat. Everyone told me how pretty I was. I hated that. I wanted to be hot. Ok, I was still pretty fly, but seriously, i wanted to stop having to angle my camera in order to keep my double chin on check. So in order for you to understand why i was fat, i guess you have to understand me. First off, everyone in my family is obsessed with weight and looks. Vanity was a big thing. im the yongest of 6 girls, whom are all physically fit and active despite ups and downs through chubby phases post kids. We are all very normal, overachievers. growing up was freaking awful because i constantly compared myself to my sisters who had accomplished more than i thought i was capable of doing. we had a simple life, middle class money and high extravagant dreams. When I was 11 my parents retired and moved to America, from Brazil. My entire life up until that point, I was skinny as a stick, but i always ate like i was competing for something. shortly after my move, YAY pueberty! NOT. basically at this point everything I ATE, became a part of me. i could sit here for days and tell you how i had no friends and that i ate my feelings, but quite honestly i dont think i ate my feelings. i was a pretty sad teenager and struggled with depression, however, i actually didnt eat when i was sad. but i loved food, so id bounce right back and go onto creating things i could devour. my mom was an awesome cook, and i had a love for fatty foods. i should probably be ashamed, but I LIKE THE FAT ON THE MEAT. yep. i ate that shit. hell i loved it. lean meat was/is gross. everyone denies liking the fat, but we all eat bacon and god knows that is just that so no judgement here ok! anyway. i love fat. i hate dry foods. nothing ever made me sick and i just ate. I think my biggest issue was that I have killer self control up until the sun goes down. its like i could starve every day, then id eat the entire fridge between 8-11pm. im still like that. im not sure what it is about my body, but i hate it!
so after what felt like an eternity of being fat, trying just about every freaking diet on the book, and having my entire family literally try everything and anything to get me skinny, t'was the night of august 5th, everything changed. I was living on my own with my best friend, working 45 hours a week, going to school full time and eating my meals in my car. im not kidding you i packed a cooler, ate as i drove, because my schedule was just nuts. i did this because i was depressed and i hated being social. i figured if i work my ass off, i wont have to let anyone see my ass growing. and boy it was. around the begining of summer that year, i started having headaches that were quite abnormal to me. ive had headaches, but this was like the master of all headaches. this headache could have told me to do anything to make it go away and i would have. needless to say i became a frequent flyer of my local ER, and yes, i was there for drugs and more drugs, but really not to get high, i wanted relief! nothing they gave me worked. they had to knock my ass out for me to not feel it anymore, which could only happen if i overdosed, or was given lots of shots. so of course i was there a lot! after a few months of being a controled drug addict (or pain free addict?) i finally found a neurologist who was able to find my issue. i was diagnosed with idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Seriously? i had no idea what it was, but i learned real quick. turned out, pain meds weren't what i needed, i needed strong ass diuretics to get rid of water in my brain. man what a relief.... but by then i had lost my job, dropped out of school and now had to make some decisions. My doctor told me i was too fat, and that is why i had this disease. she told me that i was going to die. my family panicked, i went to a weight loss seminar, 2 weeks later i was sleeved. boom, that quick. mind you, i had NO IDEA what the sleeve was until my seminar, but hell, it sounded a lot better than bypass, and GOOGLE told me it was going to be great, and we all know the internet is the holy grail of truth!
seriously though I love my sleeve. but its not all pretty flowers. it was a huge life lesson, it was a learning experience and it changed my life, far beyond pounds, far beyond food and in ways i never knew possible.
Id like to dedicate this blog to my life, the things i learned and the "myths" I spend ours trying to break all over the internet. seriously, i get angry and take it personal, because i see past me learning all these myths from these people who clearly dont know what they are talking about, and i continuously fight for the newbies, that they will know better and research. but sadly, i dont expect everyone to do so.
Welcome to my new blog, my old ass sleeve, my crazy life and my crazy experiences.
oh yeah, and please don't judge my knowledge by my failure to capitalize, properly punctuate and sometimes spelling, because quite frankly, im still too lazy to proof read my writing. I am not here to impress anyone with my awesome writing skills ;)
